Memorial Gift Ideas: A Book of Shared Memories
After a death, a family hears the same kind sentence many times and very few specific ones. What they tend to want later is the detail: what the person was like at work, how they were with a neighbour’s children, the story a friend from thirty years ago still tells. A memory book gathers those from everyone who knew them, at whatever pace people can manage, and gives the family something to return to once the cards have been put away.
Start a memory book
See what they’ll receive
One memory, designed as a page.
I worked beside your mother for nine years, and I want you to know what she was like on an ordinary Wednesday.
Their voice, if anyone has itA voicemail, a birthday video, a toast someone recorded on a phone. Ask gently; people often do not realise what they have kept until someone asks, and for a family it can be the page they play most.
Ideas to make it personal
Songs and moments worth including.
- Their voice, if anyone has it
- The song people connect with them
- The part of their life the family did not see
- Something they taught you
Start with music
Sound worth keeping
Their voice, if anyone has it
A voicemail, a birthday video, a toast someone recorded on a phone. Ask gently; people often do not realise what they have kept until someone asks, and for a family it can be the page they play most.
The song people connect with them
Not necessarily the one chosen for the service. The one they sang in the car, whistled while cooking, or put on whenever everyone was together.
A reading in a familiar voice
A friend or grandchild reading a poem, a prayer or a passage the person loved gives the family something to listen to as well as read.
Make the words easier
Message starters
“I worked beside your mother for nine years, and I want you to know what she was like on an ordinary Wednesday.”
“He never told this story himself, so I will: the winter he drove four hours to fix our boiler and would not let us thank him.”
“I do not have one big memory of her. I have a lot of small ones, and I have written down the three I think about most.”
Bring the story back
Memories worth writing down
The part of their life the family did not see
Colleagues, old friends and neighbours hold whole chapters the family only heard about at the dinner table. Those pages are often the ones read most.
Something they taught you
A skill, a habit, a way of answering the phone. Small inheritances show the family that the person is still present in how other people live.
The first time you met
Where it was, what they said, what you thought of them. A beginning is easy to write, which helps people who do not know where to start.
A photograph and the story behind it
Ask each person for one photograph the family may never have seen, with a sentence about when and where it was taken.
Why it works
A gift that keeps the details.
After a death, the people with the best memories are scattered: former colleagues, childhood friends, neighbours from a house the family left years ago. Most of them want to say something and do not know how or where. One link gives them a place to write in their own time, and spares the family from having to collect anything themselves.
Complete the occasion
Other ways to remember them
A donation in their name
To the charity, school or cause they cared about. Mention it in the book so the family can see who gave, and why that cause.
Help in the weeks after
Practical help tends to stop after the funeral. A rota of meals, lifts or errands through the first month is often what a family remembers longest.
A framed photograph for the family home
One good print of a picture the family had not seen, chosen from what people send to the book, gives them something to keep on a wall beside it.
Questions
Before you begin.
Who should organize a memory book?
Usually a close friend, a colleague or a relative one step removed from the immediate family, so that the people grieving most are not asked to manage it. Ask the family first whether they would welcome it.
How long should we give people to contribute?
Longer than for other occasions. Four to six weeks is reasonable, and some organizers wait for a date that means something, such as a birthday, before giving it to the family. Some of the best pages arrive late.
Can we make one for someone who died some time ago?
Yes. A first anniversary, a birthday or the first holidays without them are all times a family is glad to hear from people again, and memories are often easier to write once the first months have passed.
What if someone only wants to write a line or two?
That is enough. One specific sentence means more to a family than a long general tribute, and the book holds both.
What does a Gathered book cost?
Nothing, during early access. Making the book, inviting people to add to it and sending it are all free, however many pages and people it holds. A book sent during early access stays free for as long as Gathered runs.
Gather their memories
Start the book, share one link with everyone who knew them, and give people the time they need to write.
Start a memory book